Welcome to difficult love blog: This is my story

Where it all began

I am Victoria, but most people call me Vicky. I have been on an incredible journey of finding God, discovering truth, and stepping into my purpose. I always knew I was called to more. After graduating, I felt the pull of destiny but could not find fulfilment in anything. Even going to university was a struggle, and I have to admit I did not enjoy it.

I studied HR because I knew I was called to people. I loved organising events, hosting, training, and teaching. When I was a child, I would play “school” with my siblings, marking their work and teaching them. Although I did not pursue teaching as a career, I now see how close my calling is to what God planted in me from the beginning.

My desire for marriage

From as far back as I can remember, I always had a deep desire to be married. I grew up in a two-parent household, and I wanted the same. As I got older, however, I saw both the beauty and the brokenness of marriage. That planted doubt in my heart, but the desire for marriage never left.

My first boyfriend felt like “the one,” but that relationship ended in heartbreak at 17. After that, I hardened my heart. I played with men’s emotions as if it were a game, not realising how much damage I was causing myself too. Being intimate was seen as taboo in my household, so I did not understand the true weight of what I was giving away.

The more relationships I entered, the deeper my rejection grew. I became controlling, manipulative, angry, seductive, and full of rage. My temper was sharp, and my words were cutting. Without knowing it, I had come into agreement with a destructive spirit.

Years later..... I met the 'One'

Years later, God presented me to my spouse. He was everything I thought I wanted: tall, dark, and handsome. We connected quickly, but it soon became clear that this would not be an easy love story. It was a difficult love filled with pain and betrayal. I wanted to leave many times, because I believed love should not hurt this much.

Months into the relationship, I discovered I was pregnant. Fear of raising a child alone made me push for marriage. I thought a wedding ring, a marriage certificate, and a baby would change us. But I was wrong. I had no idea what it meant to be a wife, and my husband had no clue either. Our marriage spiralled into criticism, lies, betrayal, and toxic patterns. The pain grew so heavy that even the authorities had to step in during one of my outbursts.

We sought therapy, but it was not enough. I knew this was not just emotional, it was spiritual. I began to research everything I could on anger, marriage, wounds, and betrayal, until I stumbled across teaching on narcissism. At first, I thought it described my husband perfectly — until I realised it also described me. That was when God began to open my eyes.

The tearing apart

God often revealed the truth to me in dreams. I would dream of infidelity, confront my husband, and later find proof of what God had already shown me. The final breaking point came when my husband accidentally called me while on what sounded like a date. I recorded it, knowing he would deny it. That moment shattered me, but it was also when God finally had my attention. With two children under two, I was broken, crying, and empty. God began to reveal His love, His truth, and His ways to me. He showed me who I was and began a deep work of healing and deliverance. We eventually agreed to separate and decided to co-parent because of the level of abuse we had both endured.

My Journey through Warfare

As I dug deeper, I came across deliverance ministers who explained that what the world calls “narcissism” often have spiritual connections, spirits tied to wounds, rejection, and generational traumas, curses, and sins. For the first time, I heard someone say God could deliver a narcissist. This stirred something in me.

I began to go to war in prayer. I battled Jezebel, fear, witchcraft, curses, and torment. I faced spiritual warfare so intense that one night, I physically felt a spirit try to drag me from my bed. But in the name of Jesus, I overcame. Through these battles, I learned who God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit are. I came to know their voices and their roles in my life. The Father loves me and tells me off like a father would; he gives the orders. The Son has redeemed me. I am thankful to Jesus for the blood on the cross. The Holy Spirit teaches, comforts me, and conforms me into Christ’s image daily.

God’s Promises to Me

In this journey, God has made me many promises. He has resurrected me into a new life in Christ. The old me is gone. I no longer desire to control others. I repent because I love God and love people. He is restoring me daily into who He created me to be.The enemy stole much from me; my marriage, my joy, my health, my beauty, my peace. Yet God is restoring everything. He has opened my eyes to see beauty again. He has changed the way I dress, the way I live, even the way I eat. He is in the details.I have been delivered from many spirits, including a spirit spouse, and I will share more about this in my blog.

Why I created difficult love

I am not perfect, but my heart is to help people walking through difficult relationships and broken marriages. I want to show others how to partner with God for resurrection, restoration, and reconciliation. My story is proof that Jesus truly came to set the captives free.I write honestly and openly because the truth sets us free. Knowledge is part of deliverance. With knowledge, you can be delivered. Without it, you remain bound. The enemy wants to keep God’s people ignorant, but Jesus wants us free, free from oppression, free in our relationship with God, and free to enjoy the beauty of a marriage aligned with His will.

I am here to help. Leave a comment, read my other posts, and join this community if you feel led. See you in the next post.

Victoria x

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